In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
