I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
