either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
