we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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