Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
