forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My balls are so social today.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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