she was so not down for the gang bang
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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