sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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