thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I looked at my own cervix.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize