I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
