Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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