True but thats because hes a fetus.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
