Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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