I accidentally burped into my bong.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
