That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
