Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Semen is not good for contacts.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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