I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
well most of my day revolves around power hour
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
