Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
