its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
