I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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