38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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