Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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