period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
