i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
