The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
