Pappa wants mamma naked
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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