wrigley field is MILF paradise
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
