I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
