Plan B is the new Plan A
You can't motorboat a personality
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
sex in a hospital.. check
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
