you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
