look no pants
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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