I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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