Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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