Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
