Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
