A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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