I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize