OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
