Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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