i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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