My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
