First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
