Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
