So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize