She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
another moral hangover. fuck.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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