I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
