He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
