I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
