I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
