she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
