please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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