I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
