I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
