just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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