you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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