Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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