drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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