so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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