The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
