i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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