There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
