You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
