:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
