Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
