..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize