you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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