i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
