I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
