she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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